Weddings

So I'm in my late twenties now and that means I have to go to at least one wedding every six months, I guess. It appears to be a rule of some kind.

I had never actually been to a wedding until a couple years ago, when I got invited to two lovely people who I didn't think I knew well enough to be invited to their wedding but who I like a lot and was glad of the chance to get to know better.

They were younger than me. That was kinda scary. Guess I really am an adult now.

The wedding was a civil ceremony in a hotel. It was pretty traditional in format but with some excellent exceptions and quirks, like the bride wearing Converse, the bridesmaids in 50's-style polka dots and the Playmobil figures on top of the cake. I was mostly standing around in a pretty dress and high heels (grumble grumble ouch) taking it all in and learning what a wedding looks like.

It was a good one to start off with. The ceremony was straightforward and the day matched the Ceremony-Drinks Reception-Dinner-Speeches-Dancing template. (The only thing missing was the trip from church to reception, but so far civil ceremonies in hotels seem to be pretty common among my friends.)There were also enough quirks and differences that I didn't feel uncomfortable. (Social situations with strict rules are scary, ok?)

And after the grand novelty of attending my Very First Wedding, they soon became fairly frequent events.

Next was the pagan wedding in a scout camp in Nottinghamshire, which could also be called I Can't Believe It's Not a LARP Event. The couple are long-term LARPers and so were a majority of their guests, so they did a smart, money-saving thing and hired a scout camp for a couple of nights, knowing that the majority of guests were well used to camping. There was a marquee for dancing and eating, and mead for the wedding toast and it was all very charming and it didn't rain, luckily.

The ceremony was awesome. The civil ceremony is kind of... utilitarian, I suppose, and while I am a godless, faithless spiritual desert of a human being and proud of it, I have always enjoyed ceremony, and religions make for good ceremony. This pagan ceremony was toned down somewhat for the sake of the Very Catholic relatives, which meant it was easier for me to enjoy it as a metaphor when it got into the wibbly stuff. It was lovely standing in a circle and watching lanterns being lit, and the vows themselves were wonderful. They got a laugh at first as the celebrant asked something like "Do you promise to never get angry at your husband?" and the bride let out a derisively-snorted "NO!" but as they went on, they had me smiling from ear to ear. The vows made it explicit that life together wouldn't be perfect, but that the couple were promising to love each other and stick with each other through all of it, not just "in sickness and in health" but when they annoy each other, or fight, or upset each other. Romantic pragmatism is so much more moving than the notion that you're going to both do nothing but make each other happy forever. If you were both happy forever you wouldn't need to love the other person very much to stay with them, would you? (Also, I think I've invented the term Romantic Pragmatism. You're welcome.)

The next wedding I went to was a traditional Catholic one of people I'd been in college with who are now living in the UK. It was in Limerick (Rachel the bride's home town) and so I had the Rubberbandits' Horse Outside in my head for most of the weekend. That was nice, but apart from the unfortunate use of "Mary" as a generic bride's name in the Mass leaflet and an ill-advised Find & Replace resulting in the line "Blessed Rachel, ever virgin" appearing in the leaflet (the poor groom, eh?) it was the most by-the-book wedding I've attended. It was a lovely day, the bride looked stunning, there were the usual "aawww" moments re: the couple, the meal and afters were fabulous, I bonded with a small child and I had a ball... but there was nothing that went on that wasn't Typically Weddingy. Oh, except the Leinster rugby team being at the hotel where the reception was and getting photos taken with the Leinster groom and Munster bride. There was that!

And then there was the most recent, Civil Ceremony #2. Like the first civil ceremony, it followed the traditional format but with everything in the hotel, there was a cupcake wedding cake, the bride wore white (and looked fab) and the groomsmen were all in three-piece suits. I recommend them to all men for the purposes of looking fiiiiine. But. Oh, God, but. Where to start?

So there was the ceremony, where the celebrant broke the vows down into two-word chunks which confused the groom when it came to "why I, James Murphy*," as she said "why I" and he repeated it, and she said "James Murphy" and he said "Oh! Why I James Murphy!" in tones of great relief that she wasn't just getting him to do a mocking impression of a Tyneside accent. So then came the fits of giggles, increased when the groom replaced the traditional "I will" with an enthusiastic "Yup!" and continuing for most of the vows. But then they read their own vows, and there were tears instead. (Both laughter and tears were coming from the crowd, the groom and the bride.) So that was awesome. See above re: social situations with rules and me not liking it. It's always a lot of fun when someone breaks them.

Then there were the wonderfully nerdy references in the speeches, and the gift of a framed pic of bride and groom with a picture of an X Box "Achievement Unlocked" pop-up below, giving him 1000 points. There was karaoke, and the groom kicked it off with a lovesong for the bride. Skullcrusher Mountain. Oh yeah.

So that was kind of a lesson in not taking these things too seriously, and laughing about it if you stumble over your words, and I think fits of the giggles and being moved to tears and a seriously nerdy serenade make a lovely start to a marriage.

So, next up is a Church of England affair in Nottingham in August, which is going to give me another faith to tick off on my checklist. There's a checklist, right? I get a prize if I get them all? No? Aww. Guess I'll have to make do with enjoying the "We Totally Love Each Other Forever!" parties instead. I guess it'll all be "We Totally Made This Tiny Human!" in a while.

* His name isn't James Murphy.